So one day I was walking down the street and I came across the used toaster store. I decided that I needed a new toaster so I went on in and while I was looking at toasters I saw an odd looking one.
It was sitting in the back of the store looking sliver and menacing. I looked at the price for the toaster. It was $6.66. Wow that is super cheap, I thought.
I brought the toaster to the man who owned the used toaster store and he said “Oh that toaster is evil. Don’t use it but you can have it for free.” So I took the toaster and ran back to my apartment, plugged it in and then put in some bread. When the bread popped out it was red and had a pentagram burned into it. But I just wrote it off as a glitch in the toaster.
I decided to put more bread in. While I was waiting for the second piece of bread to pop up, my girlfriend walked into my apartment and I told her that I had bought a new toaster and that I was waiting for the toast. She agreed to wait with me. When the second piece of toast popped out of the toaster it was the same as the one before! Only this time it grabbed a knife from the counter (my counter consist of a million knifes and a space for a toaster) and it started stabbing my girlfriend.
Instead of helping her I decided to put more toast in. I had to get rid of this loaf of bread. It was probably going to go bad soon anyway. But all my bread turned into evil demon toast until I was out of bread. My problem was solved… or so I thought. I was going to leave when a piece of toast threw a knife at me, so I knew that these guys were bad news. I picked all the toast up and opened my fridge. I grabbed my evil tomato, my evil lettuce (found at the evil farmer’s market) and my evil shredded Jack cheese (found at the evil dairy farm made from evil cow milk) and made a fantastic evil sandwich. But I was not hungry, so I gave it to my girlfriend and she ate it and I thought it was all over. However it turned out the evil spirits in the ingredients possessed her and she started flying around and spinning her head completely clockwise and she started speaking in some evil language: “Lado jalea abajo.” I picked up the toaster and I threw it at her and before she fell I heard some the same evil language and this time it was “¿por qué te tomas el tiempo para traducir esta.”
After it said that I saw a faint ghost-like figure floating away from my girlfriend who was knocked unconscious from the toaster I threw at her head. I picked up her and the toaster and headed towards the hospital. On the way I gave the toaster to some dirty hobo and continued to the hospital.
A few days later I heard a noise on my balcony so I went out to check it out and it was the dirty hobo from before, but he was covered in blood flavored jam. Next to him was the toaster and an old dusty book. The first thing I did was throw the homeless man off the balcony so I couldn’t be convicted of murder. After all, no one was going to believe in a demon toaster. I threw the toaster off the balcony also because that thing was evil and I had some sense.
All that was left was the dusty book. I opened it up. It was bound with toast crust and on the title page was the phrase “El brindis se hace.” Suddenly out popped a giant piece of demon toast! He said “Foolish mortal, you have summoned Jamdor Burnttoast, the most powerful of all the toast demons!”
Being the smart person I am I opened the book again and read out another phrase, “Na fi man shanu a kan ƙyafe.” Another demon popped out and he said, “I am the great Jellyside Down! Fear me!” He then glanced at Jamdor and let out a sigh of resentment. He then proceeded to punch Jamdor so I summoned a third demon to help calm them down I read the phrase “Me pregunto si alguien va a traducir esta” and out popped a third demon who said “Bow before me, for I am the great Buttery Crust-Roll” he then took a second to look at his surroundings when he noticed the two other toast demons fighting he yelled “Hey Jelly you can’t do that to Jamdor” and he tackled him so I decided to summon another toast demon with the exact same result and proceeded to repeat this until there were enough demons to invade Poland and at this point I decided that I had to fix this so I opened the book to look for another toast demon but it turns out I had already summoned all the demons but on the back was a hastily scribbled note saying how to get rid of all of the demons how convenient! So I read the last phrase “Los demonios se van a casa” and all the demons were sucked into the book and I looked over at the ruins of my city and that was the day I learned never to trust second hand toasters.